yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
