Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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