First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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