I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
