i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
