This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
