i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize