I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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