Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize