my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
