I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
