you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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