I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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