Cold hands, warm shart.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
