He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
