24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
