it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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