we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
