I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
