See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
