So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
