If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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