i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
