You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize