dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
