shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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