Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
