if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
