we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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