Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize