I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I didn't notice because vodka
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
