she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
