The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
