You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
