Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
