White coat. Heels.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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