Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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