my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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