so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
