I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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