She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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