did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
