i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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