I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
