why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
