that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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