at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize