oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Let's paint friendship bongs
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
