So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My vagina is officially offended.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
