There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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