No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
