I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's shark week go big or go home
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
