Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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