fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize