omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
