ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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