Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
