I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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