I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
