I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
