you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
