What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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