dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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