i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
