I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My vagina is officially offended.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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