Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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