Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
