He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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