Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
