if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
