No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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