I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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