my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize