I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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