haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
