The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
